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Constant Combat
This veteran-led podcast highlights the experiences of Weapons Company, 2nd Battalion, 4th Marines, starting with their harrowing 2004 deployment to Ramadi; a 9 month combat tour which resulted in the highest casualties in a single deployment - a deployment that most Americans have never heard about. Through candid conversations surrounding these events, the series also explores earlier experiences that shaped the Marines, emphasizing their grit, humor, and humanity while aiming to honor their stories authentically.
Constant Combat
With Gauze and Grit - Rudy Contreras (part 2 of 2)
Navy Corpsman Rudy Contreras’ job is simple on paper and brutal in practice: find the wounded, make the call, and keep your honor clean. He brings us front seat in part 2 of his interview to combat medicine, the IED strike that took Jeremiah, and the long road from Ramadi to healing. Hard choices, raw humor, and a code of honor shape how Rudy treated enemies, held his Marines together, and found peace years later.
• treating enemies and civilians under fire
• triage choices, morphine scarcity, and restraint
• the IED blast, airway management, and medevac
• grief, survivor’s remorse, and meeting family of the fallen
• reunions, guilt released, and quiet forgiveness
• barracks chaos, dark humor, and cohesion
• transition to Okinawa and identity after combat
• managing PTS with exercise, meditation, and community
• building a life beyond one deployment
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If you are a member of Weapons Company or someone with a story about Weapons Company 2/4 in 2004, please come tell some stories with us - 20 mins or 20 hours! Help paint the canvas of an archival story for others to know what it was like. Contact us @ RamadiPodcast@gmail.com, or via the podcast website above.
All music used with permission by soundbay: https://www.youtube.com/@soundbay_RFM
This is part two of our conversation with Rudy Contreras, Navy Corpsman with Rainmaker Platoon. Well man, let me uh put the screws to you. Tell me a little about uh about treating some casualties. Let's see if we can uh get a few medical stories out of you at least.
SPEAKER_03:Uh I one of my fonder memories or a couple of them is uh and I don't remember what engagement was. We're high value target. We're we're pushing up on the enemy, and uh we're supposed to grab some ID makers, right? So uh we grab this guy, and he's gets the good old 556. So through and through, he's got an open tip-fib fracture, and he's laying in the field. And of course, I don't know what is with the Iraqis, they all shit themselves when they got shot and they all cry for Allah. But so I'm over there and we're treating this dude at the one little tree. Uh it was a it was a fig tree or what, but it was there, and uh, I was getting direct fire, and they were shooting at me, and the other the Iraqis were shooting at the other rocky, but uh, I'm over there treating this dude, and I get them all you know spun up, get them, get the tourniquet on them, get them all fucking bandaged up, and uh I'm like all the Marines like I I could just because you know everything kind of like narrows down and you get that funnel uh vision or that tunnel vision, and uh they're like talk, talk, and I'm like, what? And I remember the rounds hitting by me and like fuck. So I end up trying to pull this fat fucker behind this berm, get him all packaged up, and we had smoked one of his friends, and uh another one of his guys was still alive. And uh I uh I walk up and uh Captain Weiler was like, Hey Doc, you're gonna take care of him? And I kind of looked back and forth. I was like, Okay, sir, and I just pulled my nine out, like, no, no, doc, don't no, not like that. I was like, Oh, oh, okay, and I put it back, and then I and I treat him and we get him packaged up, we get him in the truck, and the Marines, oh poor Corporal Ponte, Nick, he we we use uh his his poncho. He he was that gear guy, right? He always uh always had all his gear on him. So we get his poncho, we wrap this one dude up and we put him in the back of the Humvee, and there's three of them, right? So uh two are two are WA, one's KIA, and we're moving up this hill, and the Bradleys are coming. And you remember how the the hills all went pretty steep slope. Yep, and uh something or another happened. They're like, stop, stop. They slam the brakes on the truck, and they just see all the bodies just slide forward, boom. And I'm like, whatever. So we get off, and I actually have a picture of this, and uh we're doing I'm doing my turnover with the with the medic, the army medic, and like, yeah, I got two WIA, this is what I got, and one KIA. And they're like, no, dude, you got two KIA. I was like, the fuck out of here, dude. That guy's like perfect, man. I see he's stabilized. I got he even got morphine, right? And uh when I when I did that, I went down and I looked and I checked his pulse, he was dead. I was like, there's no fucking this guy didn't, he only had an open tip fit fracture, right? He didn't bleed out, like the tourniquet was on and it started down. He snapped, they snapped his neck, right? From the the impact of the trunk, snapped his fucking neck, and I was like, Oh shit. But I remember arguing over this casualty because uh Captain Weiler at the time, he was like, he needed to give him morphine. I was like, sir, only have one morphine left because we only got three stylets, which was bullshit, right? And uh, and I was like, sir, only have one. It's like dog, he needs the morphine, give him the morphine. I was like, okay, sir, I'm giving him the morphine. And fucking, I gave this dude the morphine. But yeah, it was that was that was a funny one that I thought was kind of, I mean, the dude passed away, but yeah, I thought I was pretty fucked up about that that casualty. Um another time, I think it was during bug hunt or one of the big the big fights when uh one of the other companies had uh cordon off area, and we had just left the snake pit. Um so we're doing movement to contact, and uh, we hadn't dismounted yet, so we're still on the VIX, and we're pulling up and the good old taxi cab rolls up. We stopped the vehicle, and there's a casualty in the backseat, and he has an open compound fracture of the uh the femur. So his legs just there, bloods all over the car. But he had a tourniquet on, and we had known that you know they had our gear was compromised in some places and that they were getting gear from other, you know, so we knew that they were getting their gear, and I was like, fuck this, this shoe got the tourniquet, and the windless tourniquet, that was a that was a scarcity, right? So we didn't have a lot of those. So I gave him my good old tourniquet that I had made out of my um you know, uh grenade ring and stick. So I took that tourniquet off, I put another tourniquet on, and while I was doing that, I had the marine next to me, it's Lance Corporal Tebow. He's like, hey man, I need you to pull traction on this dude's leg. Okay. And the guy, he you know, he's he's out of it because he's lost a lot of blood. But uh, um, so we get him on the ground, he pulls traction, and you could just hear that from the leg and the marine that looked that he's like, oh he's about to fucking pass. Like, don't you fucking do it? And I'm like, God damn it, hold his fucking leg, Table. And get him backed up, and we send him back to uh Snake Pit. But come to find out that he had already been treated at the snake pit and they had released him, and uh that's where they had got the tourniquet from. Uh, because after our debriefs, I was talking to the guys. I was like, hey, you guys is that we treated this fucking guy. It's like he this was the second time he came back here. Uh and then another one that was kind of funny. Uh again, being in the zone, uh I knew very little far seeing. I think Matsud was for blood, and Ali Baba was bad guy, right? So uh we get this dude and we're taking sporadic fire and we're moving into the Gordon, and the Marines were around me, and you know, good fire team leader. He takes spot and he's looking, uh surveying where we're about to enter it. And it was Corporal Leighton at the time. He hands me his rifle, and this is before I had a rifle. So I'm like, oh shit, I have a rifle. Uh he hands me the rifle, and we're the car pulls up, we get him out, and he's got a bandage on a neck. And I'm like, uh, what happened? What happened? He's like, uh Alibaba. And I was like, You Alibaba? And he's like, Yes. And I'm like, oh shit. He said, he said he's a bad guy. So I raised the rifle and I put it right there, and then I was gonna shoot him, and then uh uh Corporal Lake and Doc, what the fuck are you doing? He grabs the rifle out of my hand and he takes it out. Long story short, the guy, the guy was not a bad guy. He got shot and he was collateral damage, but it was one of the front of your things that you know uh again where I was in that situation, like bad guy, bad guy, shoot. But I I did I did treat a lot of uh I treated more enemy and civilian casualties than I did Marines, which I'm very, very I know it sounds dark and and bad to say, but I was very happy of that, right? And uh that's come into question throughout the years, like how how do you treat the enemy insurgents? I mean, these guys, like I'd mentioned the guy with the tidbit fracture that I treated ended up subsequently dying, and then uh uh the guy with the the open femur fracture. Um, I don't know if you lived or not, but they asked it's like you knew those guys were enemies and they shot at you. Uh for me, what that distinguishes us from them is you know, the good old Marine Corporate hymn, uh keep our honor clean, that always stuck to me is how could I keep my honor clean uh to to revert and turn into them as a savage, right? That was the one thing that I always held on to, and I'm still proud of it to this day. Uh, have I taken uh insurgents' lives? Yeah, absolutely. Have I taken innocent life? I don't know, right? Uh being in that uh situation and having engaged the enemy on multiple avenues and effects, but uh yeah, um being treatment casualties, the those are my fonder memories from from Ramadi is those those few that uh uh had seen the enemies. Uh but yeah, uh one of the harder ones is uh when I actually got hit on May 12th of uh 2004, that's the day that we lost Jeremiah. Um that one was tough, right? Uh we had hit uh 155. That was uh it probably would have fucked us up more. I think it was on Route Apple. Uh we're coming back from a KLE or something. And of course, the bad things always happen on a mission that you're not supposed to be on. And uh it was this ragtag group, it wasn't all of Rainmaker, I think it was some of Rainmaker, some of Sledgehammer. And we weren't even in the normal VIX that we write in and all this and that, but we got hit pretty fucking hard. And uh all I can recall is just of course, you see the flash and you hear the ring and the boom. Uh the blast was so intense, uh, it had blown my Kevlar from my head, and it also blew uh the handguards off my M16A2. Uh, and I remember us just careing off the side of uh one of those big high roads into a rice paddy field. And uh I remember coming to and looking around, and Jeremiah was slumped over the gun. Uh Fernandez, now retired, Sergeant Major Fernandez. Uh he was fucked up pretty bad. He had been bleeding from the face. Uh uh, Lance Corporal Luna, uh, Lance Corporal Accles. Uh they were they were all kind of injured and out of it. Uh Dobbs was the uh vehicle commander and Regalsperger, retired gunnery Sergeant Regalsperger, he was the driver and the L Shake door. So I just remember coming to dismounting the vehicle, kind of surveying what was going on, and then going to the front of the VIC because that's where I recalled the most of the damage had been sustained because of the trajectory of the blast or whatnot. And uh just remember seeing Regal there just this just he was fixated, right? Uh he was missing a good portion of his face. Uh just remember reaching in with my finger, uh clearing out his airway, and pulled a couple of his teeth out, and then he was too big for me just to get him out. I don't I don't know if it was the pure strength or if another Marine helped me get out. I remember pulling him out of the vehicle, uh rolling him over, uh again, clearing his airway, putting a nasal trumpet in him, and then uh stuffing his face to a degree with uh some uh gauze and and making sure his airway was open. So he he was uh he was unfortunately but fortunately he was medevacked out of there. They were all of them were uh via or Cazovac because we took him to VIC uh back of the uh seven ton. But uh when I moved Savage's uh flak jacket, it was still smoking, he was on fire where the shrapnel had entered. I s and as soon as I took his flak jacket off, he was still conscious. He's like, hey doc, you know, he was talking to me. And I say, Hey Marie, will be all right? I got you, devil. Uh and then the blood just whoosh out the back of his flak. It's probably about a good 30 millimeter hole. And I knew that there's not much I could do. Uh, so what I did do is I packed it with what I could. I uh um put an occlusive dressing on it and uh got him up to the top of the road and uh was able to continue on with that. And then he started dumping on me, what we call it. So I started two IV lines on him, was successful. Uh got the fluids going and was working on, and there then there was the chaos. Fernet Fernandez was coming up to me. He's like, I can't see, I can't sleep. Uh I just wiped his face. He's like, get the fuck out of the way, you're not a problem right now. It's like I gotta worry about Regal and uh the other one. And uh Luna was pretty fucked up too. Uh we had bleeding behind his eye because of the overblast pressure, and then Accles, he we call him Moose, and he's just a big dumb moose. I love him, but uh he was okay, so they were walking wounded. Um and then uh getting uh Jeremiah into the back of the truck when he stopped, you know, pretty much breathing on his own. So I had to breathe for him until we got him to the EAS. But yeah, that was tough. Uh and then watched him work on him. But uh yeah. Well we found out that uh, you know, it it hit his ascending, descending, or you would have so even on the if it was on the table in a surgical suite, it wouldn't have made. But he gave up a good fight. So we we all anticipated that, but uh, it was still hard to uh hear that. But yeah, uh Regal, Regal ended up recovering and he ended up staying in the core, so did Fernie, and uh yeah. I I myself was injured and I didn't realize at the time. So I was covered in his blood, my blood, and uh I ended up getting seen later at the BAS. And I didn't realize I was uh actually concussed like severely and uh I realized that the next following day is when I was thrown up in the shop because you know you want to stay with your guys, you don't say nothing. So yeah, that was fucked up, but uh yeah, uh so that was probably the most memorable. Uh and fortunately to this day, as as many times as I've been back to combat, that's the only American life that I'd lost. Um well the angels got him, but I I I and I still have him, but yeah, uh that that was a tough one. Uh but again in retrospect, I I didn't have a lot of uh I do have survivors' remorse or regret, but ultimately I knew uh I did what I had I had to do to sustain while he left. And uh fortunately I got to meet Mama Savage for the first time. And uh Savage had said a few words to me uh before he left. And uh I I thought I was gonna have to repeat those, and uh I didn't have to. Uh Mama Savage just looked at me and she said, I already know. So that that to me has brought me a lot of peace in the in the end is knowing that uh mother of that child uh trusted that her son in my care. So but yeah, that that was good. Uh out of all that four and uh nightmare that transpired, that's a good thing that I was able to keep that. So but uh yeah, that's probably the last more memorable cast for the uh was the loss of Jeremiah. So but we all we all all the rest of us you know recovered and got to move on since then. So yeah, Matt, and that's all I gotta say about that.
SPEAKER_01:Well take a minute, man. Take a breath. Thank you. If nobody's said that in a while, no, thank you for what you did on that day. You you you're talking about an impossible situation. And you could have had uh that could have happened in a hospital and drag him to the operating room and he would not have survived those wounds. Right, but you likely saved Regelsberger's life. And you and you yourself were were a casualty. Well, you needed a dock for the dock, and there wasn't one. You were one dock for two platoons. So again, I don't I don't know. I don't know what else to say to you, but thank you.
SPEAKER_03:You said enough by just being here today, bro. You know, all of you, YouTube like yeah, I mean I I haven't no one not I don't think there's only been a handful of people I've ever told that story to. Because again, you know, uh haven't endured what we've endured. You there's not a lot of people that understand. And that's another reason why I came on to this uh thing. I'm not medicated, nor have I been. You know, I don't even drink alcohol anymore. Uh just because it doesn't align with me. It doesn't work, you know, it brings out too much of the demons. Uh but I still live with them every day. You know, there's not a day that doesn't go by that I have some fleeting thought or some memory, you know. Uh so hopefully this will bring peace to others as well. Uh as they listen to these stories and they and they understand that uh they too are not alone, you know, and that's why I talked about Brian a little bit. Uh because, you know, he he he's been through it. Yeah, we've all been through it.
SPEAKER_00:I appreciate you bringing up Mama Savage and the importance of uh you know, I I hadn't gone to any of the rune unions up until the 20th. And uh I was kind of reluctant, and then I kind of made the decision, okay, I gotta I gotta do this. Uh fortunately Nylon uh came along too. I I don't know if I would have processed as well as I would have if I uh wanted I had that. But um being able to see everybody and kind of touch base, there is uh I'm not gonna uh name names, but there was two different Marines that I was able to uh touch base with that I didn't know was were hanging on to something that they wanted to apologize for. And um I I had no idea that they had, I mean, it didn't uh they're uh the the tragedy of guilt is uh sometimes the other per you know you you feel guilty towards someone and uh they're not holding on to anything. And so you know you're you're carrying this for years and years and years, and then you finally be, I'm so sorry for this thing. They're like, what the fuck are you even talking about? Um and uh it's uh it's unfortunate that sometimes it takes 20 years, but it's so powerful to have those interactions. And um I think you said it perfectly, you know, you can you get a little bit of peace. Um, you get to put something down that you carry. Um and it is hard. We've we've talked about that a couple of times of you know, the these stories of the military, especially in Romani, they don't flow very easily with people that haven't actually, you know. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a vet from Vietnam that's all the shit than it is to talk to somebody your own age um about some of the things that you carry. And it just gets easier and easier um as you're talking with people that went through exactly what you did, uh, you know, whether it's combat, whether it's Iraq, whether it's a Ramadi, Ramadi 04. You don't have to explain as much. And um just like Nylan said, I I I appreciate you for sharing that story. Um and uh and also being being that frontline person for me when I was over there. Fortunately, I didn't need to utilize you. Um, but I knew I had somebody um like you and also Doc Raybrandt, because he ended up coming out when you couldn't cover. Now that I'm remembering the story now, I'm remembering Doc Raybrandt as the one that then came out.
SPEAKER_01:He came out with us a lot too, yeah, to help cover.
SPEAKER_03:So yeah, he was our senior line corpsman, so he it was his responsibility, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. I got a couple memories of him. It'd be fun to get his story. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I think he ran for Senate, he ran for Senate or Congress or something in New York, right? He's up in New York, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, this is more his story, but he uh ended up doing combat surgery uh in the hooch. Um, I don't know if you remember this. I can't think of who I think it might have been Wade. He had a um he ended up getting an assist on his on his neck, and it was like right where the flak jack. It like rested. And uh they lanced it once or twice, but it would it kept coming back. It had the the the seed or whatever you call it, it was was there. And they told him that he was gonna have to go back, uh you know, whether it was Baghdad or maybe back to Germany for the surgery. And Doc was like, or I could take it out. And uh we went into the hooch that wasn't being used, and eventually they became the uh the interpreters with hooch, but Doc sat on the middle of his back. I I then sat and like pinned his arms down and had it held his head and uh pulled pulled uh stupid pulled that pulled that out. I was as I was his uh I was his surgeon tech uh surge uh surgical tech and uh and then we packed full of gauze and uh I I was I was in charge of helping to replace that every once in a while. And anyways, I mean like I mean it goes back to what you said, Doc, that you know, even when we got hurt, no one I mean, maybe there's a couple guys that you know took a ticket home and didn't want to come back, but I think more often than not the story is is that you would get hurt and you had the option of going, but it was like fuck that. You either covered up the wound or you you you know you bear down and and push through the whatever was going on.
SPEAKER_03:I think Kondi's a big reminder of that. 100%.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, even from that same platoon. Go ahead. Yeah, I remember the day he was shot, but through and through, and uh yeah, uh Doc Biawka actually he was in weapons company because him and I were in Field Med together and he was uh a combat replacement, so we didn't have enough Corman to leave. So uh he ended up showing up to the unit and he wasn't assigned to anybody. And I convinced him to come over to the weapons company. I was like, dude, you gotta come with weapons company. Yeah, so I I I convinced Doc Diaca to come over, and I still remember that the day he was shot, and I was just the stupid shit we say, right? Like I roll up and uh I was like, hey man, you got the party started without me. You know, just some shit like that. But uh yeah. Uh still remember Doc c Doc's face with looking conde was still fighting with Doc trying to get that shit on him and you know cover up the wound, and yeah, kept that press on. So that was very admirable, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yep, yeah. He kept telling Doc to uh stop bandaging him up and that the enemy was laughing at him, and then he was gonna go, he was gonna take care of it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, and he sure the fuck did he sure did.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe a little less serious. What'd you do in your downtime, man? What'd you do when you're Norn out shooting folks?
SPEAKER_03:Uh I think we all remember the guy that uh sold the CDs, right? So I watched a lot of movies.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, until we we end up killing that motherfucker on a raid, but yes, I do remember the DVD guy.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause he's I guess we was calling in to the we couldn't figure out how they were getting so close to our fob and all that shit, you know. I I still remember one day distinctly when I was on one of my cigarette breaks, I was smoking a cigarette and then uh uh it looked like a four-inch rocket. I just remember the boosh, yeah, and it comes cruising over the gate, and then I'm like, what the fuck is and boom, it hit the the the tricon or the quadcon full of tires and and com batteries. I just remember that shit. I was like, oh, that's gonna be fucked up. But uh, I remember that fire burning for like two days. But uh yeah, I watched a lot of movies, man. I got all the guy I don't fucking hang me, right? Uh spades. I still don't know how to play spades, right? Uh how the guys would play spades, I would just watch. I spent a lot of time to myself and just like uh thinking about what was next, you know, what was I gonna do and preparing myself for the next day. But uh yeah, I I I'd been in combat a few more times and I was I was just found that staying in the zone kind of helped me and prevented me from losing track and sight of uh what was next at hand. I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but that was my survival skill, was just staying in the fucking zone, man.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, not really, man. I mean you you look at listen to stories like from Tiger Woods, just to use an example from something completely unrelated to combat. That's what he talks about in golf. Like he's if you see him take a shot, he's not even thinking about the shot he just took. He's thinking about three shots ahead and planning the whole course. He's walking the course in his mind, and that's that's a good way to stay in it and perform at a high level. So that's not not a wrong thing to do at all. It's probably a good way to do it.
SPEAKER_03:That's how we get here this far.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, we're what you have any funny memories of anything? Anybody do anything goofy other than Corrota and and Hodges fighting over a rifle in the middle of a gunfight?
SPEAKER_03:Uh hazing. Let's talk about hazing. It's all fun and game.
SPEAKER_01:That's a good 81 story.
SPEAKER_03:Until someone gets a room stick up their ass, right? I think one of the I think the funnier things was that was the phantom shitter, right? So the the you know, the shitters, we couldn't have uh, you know, uh, you're not supposed to go shitting them because the septic tank didn't work. Hodges, man. I think he he he he was always he was always on the look. I think it was hidden. I think Reagan was the phantom shitter, but someone would always just go leave a fucking nice, healthy fucking dump in there. My two was either Hodges or a fellow Ackles. Maybe maybe they'll they'll divulge the secret here one day. But uh yeah, I think remember uh Reagan walking in, like, god damn it, jerking your shit and the shit. You ain't supposed to be back here, and Ackles has just kept going, you know, jerking his shit. So it was just fucking hilarious. It's always that always just that kind of weird shit. And uh I think one time Safui, we made him do Ninja Turtles and he was hairy, so we shaved 81s into his back, you know, that sort of thing, you know. Yeah, that was hilarious. But uh yeah, just that I mean that's how you build camaraderie, right? Like no one was ever really offended by that shit. We said the most racist, misogynistic, bigger things that could be ever done, and like and no one ever took it personally, right? No one ever took it personally. Yep. Um, but yeah, uh I yeah, I have so many very fond memories of that, right? Um, and it's weird, you know, seeing the the young Marines today. Like I'd mentioned, I had uh I had two four on my ship when they were doing their mu work up, and I go in there and and typically the mortar platoon only had the one token black guy. And uh I'd found the mortar man. I was like, which one of you fuckers are 41s? And they're like, I was like, wait a minute, one, two, wait, you got you guys got three more black dudes than you're supposed to have, and they all started and now mind you, I'm already in my in my in my late 30s, right? And these guys are all 18, 19-year-old fucking kids, and they're like, Who the fuck is this chief walking around the boat in this fucking blue uniform talking all this shit? And I was like, Yeah, you fuckers don't even know, but uh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you little fucks fucking boots, right? So I think my wife always remembers this is uh me getting phone calls like at 12 in the morning. The Marines either stabbed themselves or got stabbed in a bar fight, and I'd go suture them up at the fucking barracks. And like, why are you taking three hours? I can't leave without drinking a beer, you know. So I think there's a lot of those memories which are really hazing to me. But again, I get stories all the time, like you know, Blake was saying, it's like, oh, now I kind of remember, but yeah, just those those fucking stories, man, that you just I can't believe we survived that shit. Not even in combat, like, but uh in the rear, you know, with the gear. So I think one of the harder parts was was uh Ramadi going from Ramadi to going to Okinawa on that 31st Mew. You know, I took Doc Rakebrand's job, so I was senior line corpsman for weapons company and in Okinawa. And uh yeah, that was that was really good because I got to bond with the Marines a little bit more from all the other map platoons, uh, and then see them and interact with them more and kind of share those those stories. But uh it was that was difficult from going from fighting for your life to fighting for your rank and uh retired, you know. I I can't tell you how many times we did some shit, whether it was skinny dipping in the pool or fucking out in Kville getting fucked up, you know, and just getting into fights with the pogs. So but that's that you know, so many, so many of those great memories. Uh this isn't from Ramadi, but uh we were in uh we were in Fuji and uh Ninth Crime or Ninth Calm was there, and they were having their mess night, and they were all in their camis, and we're on Liberty. And one of them popped off and and said something. And uh Shane you might remember uh Shard and Lachard. Oh yeah. Oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. But uh I think we hit we yeah, we uh we we got in a huge bar fight there, and we they ended up calling all the police and they had to lock us down, they had to lock the base down, but we we beat the shit out of those guys. But uh I think that was one of the most fondest and fun memories was getting into bar fights with Marines and that that kind of shit, you know. That that that always brought me fucking a chuckle. So yeah, any of those stories.
SPEAKER_00:I'll be honest, I think I've seen more stab wounds in the barracks that needed to get stitches than uh than I saw in combat.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, by far. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So what do you so you kind of you touched on uh that you were a part of the transition over to Oki, um and you were running running hard there towards the end, and you also briefly brought up the uh the left seat, right seat. Um what do you remember of that last that last little bit, you know, um getting brought over to what's well it became Camp Ramadi, but Junction City. Uh what do you remember the transition for for that going coming back and then uh the last part of uh deployment?
SPEAKER_03:I still remember it being really tough. Like I felt like there was some residual or unleft business to be had, you know, because we I mean we're almost, as you guys recall, we were almost combat effective, right? So we we lost a lot of guys that had to go home early or that were put in non-commission, right? I felt, and then you know I'd lost Jeremiah and we lost our other guys too from weapons, and uh, you know, it's just uh I had that residual like held on to that for a long time. And uh even going through the rip, there was a when we're doing the rip, uh we're in a log train and we're putting I think we're taking the guys from 2-5 out to Snake Pit. And we came into contact, and again, you you become numb, right? So there's a small tick, you know, it's a few RPGs. They disabled the seven-ton that the seven-ton had got hit, the brake line got hit, so it locked up the back wheels and they couldn't move. And I remember those guys from 2-5. Now remember they were combat tested before because they were OIF-1 guys, so they uh I think they felt kind of cocky and they knew what they were getting into, but they had no clue what the fight and house to house was. So I remember just dismounted my vehicle, and I I opened the back of the seven-ton, and I remember the face, the look on the face of a Marine was just in shock. And I just remember grabbing the guy, I said, Fucking dismount. And I just grabbed him, I pulled him out of the fucking vehicle, I said, go fucking fight. And I fucking kicked him, and then I got back in my homie and then sat there and I was like, Yeah, it's all you guys, you know. Because again, I was like, you know, I I felt a little I felt bad for those dudes, you know, and they they did go through their shit uh a lot. I'm still real good friends with a few of their docs, right? Um that that they've done that, uh, that we're on that deployment with. Um, because we did rip within there in Ramadi, and then we did rip with them in Oki. But uh uh that transition was was really difficult. And was like coming out of that phase and then going to what we call shore duty, uh, how do I live up to this again? And I and I felt with and battled with that for years again this trying to chase that same level of camaraderie that I had with you guys, and then uh and how does that work with me staying in the military? Uh I've I have yet to this day found that again. Um the closest I had is just these conversations, you know. Um, I'm not chasing it anymore though. I I found that it becomes exhausting, right? Uh and and it it does weigh, right? Uh being at the morrow, and I and I can understand the the reserve, you know. Uh I had missed all the other memorials because I was still active duty, whether I was deployed or or an operation somewhere. But that that 20-year mark was the good one for me, right? Again, a little more mature, a little more uh uh was very cathartic. Yeah, very cathartic, very much more in tune with myself. And then hearing some of the the stories, and I'm like, this guy wasn't even there, like you know, and unfortunately hearing some of how the family was reacting, uh that was that kind of kind of hit me. Like the family was kind of demanding a little bit more attention that they they felt they were entitled to. Uh, and it was just weird. I think there was something on one of the pages, like uh the one of the Facebook pages where uh a family member is like, I'm the brother-in-law of, and I don't mean to discredit or or take away from our marine, my brother-in-law, so-and-so, this happened, you know, we're being kicked out of the house now, nobody cares about us. I'm like, this is just weird. Like, where is this guy even coming from? Like, I didn't understand that. Uh and then hearing some of some of that where the guys had held on to some things, and uh to me, I you know, uh, not saying I'm better than anybody, but I I kept going back into the shit, right? Like a lot of guys were one pump and then they got out right either because it was their time or they just chose to do so. Um, but what I appreciate is how well you've done, Blake, and how uh Shane's done in your lives, right? So I I I I I don't give those guys too much credit to that effect or degree. Like uh if you're just holding on to it, man, you you gotta let go of some of that shit and make something of yourself, you know. Uh don't just be that guy in the VFW talking about that one tour. You know, I was referred to it like the Al Bundy, you know, four touchdowns in a high school game. Like you're not in high school anymore, but you know, you gotta grow up, man. There's there's a whole nother world out there. Uh and I now, as I alluded to, this is probably gonna be my twilight tour. Uh, I'm not afraid like I used to be. I'm not fearful of what's next. You know, if anything, I'm looking to embrace the next journey, even though I am fearful of like interacting with the civilian population. I I've kept a very close circle. You know, I think at my home now, it's my wife and my two, my two younger sons, which is 20 and 18. But we don't have friends. Uh uh, we do have associates, but I think I've had one family over here, and that was KK and his family. But uh, I haven't allowed people to be into my circle yet. I I look forward to that, maybe embracing some new endeavors and relationships with with people that aren't just military.
SPEAKER_01:But uh, dude, I'm gonna tell you very straightforward. I'm gonna tell you that you're what you're describing is more common than you realize. I I don't know anyone who is just straight up open, hope hosting Tupperware parties and like you know, like none of that shit you see in the movies. I and I say that because I don't know anybody who does not from our cohort of people. I have some civilian family members and friends who have a big you know network of people and they they interface them all the time. But out of our guys, I don't know anyone who does that. Everybody has they keep it tight, and that's it. Like there's no yeah, there's no outside folks really. Uh, I mean shit. I went to Disney World last year and I we didn't invite anybody from the neighborhood. I went with Blake and his family. Uh so because I can't talk to anybody else, so it just doesn't work out. Yeah, and uh so that's not a that's not a bad thing. Now you said when you came back in 2004 you had same wife as you do now and young kids.
SPEAKER_03:She I was I was just at dad, right? So yeah, she had uh my son, which was five at the time, and my daughter, which was three at the time, which I you know ended up raising, and then uh we had two of our own. So I have two biological children of my own, uh that I my my two sons. So uh I have three sons and a daughter.
SPEAKER_01:My my question was less about, I mean, that's great. I'm glad that you you've done that, but uh my question was less of that and more about how what was it like coming home? Had it been weird, man.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Uh so you know, Ptsd, right? You know, uh there I was drinking a lot. I think I was still I was maybe putting a tabber away a day and then still going to PTE, and because that's what we did, right? The Marines went, wow, fucking how many runs or ruck marches have we been on that uh you know everybody smelled like fucking booze, right? Yeah, and uh that was really I and shit. There was one time I woke up in the middle of the night and then I was I was strangling her, right? You know, I thought someone was coming to get me. Um, you know, uh so she's been the rock. Uh but yeah, we we she's endured all of it, man. I mean, she she's got PTSD from me. I mean, she's one tough bitch, right? But she's right. I'll mail her a purple heart. Uh yeah, it's like I deserve a purple heart, you know, and and which and all actually she does, man. Like uh for fairness here, because fuck quality, because if life was fair, I wouldn't be so beautiful, right? That you know, she's shared the weight, you know, she's carried that weight, yeah. And uh a lot of that, yeah. So uh I I I can't commend her and and then the families anymore, right? Even to this day, my my kids don't even know what I do, and I think that's what's really helped me maintain that that balance, right? Uh they that they don't know, I don't tell. Then they know I've been to combat, sure, but they don't know, I don't sit there and well, dad, when dad wasn't with the marines, I carry the rifle. No, man, I don't I don't do that. Uh that's not their burden to bear, you know. And uh I I feel honestly that uh again, like you were talking about that circle. Um I don't feel robbed of any way. Uh I I feel very blessed uh and bestowed a lot, you know, because I still I get dudes all the time. I think I got a phone call last night from a Marine at like midnight. I didn't answer it, right? I checked the voicemail and take sure he was okay, but uh it wasn't a Romani Marine, just another Marine. And uh, but yeah, that that uh that's some real grit. So same chick, same, same all that stuff, man.
SPEAKER_01:So many that's well, I mean that's gotta be what 20, 21 years, 22 years?
SPEAKER_03:So maybe 23. So I married her. I was in the Navy for about a year and some change. So yeah, so 23 years of marriage, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:God damn, you're old. I know. Well, cool, dude. That's actually that's pretty good. It's that sucks about the coming home and the the struggle though, but did you feel like did you feel like you got past it, or do you feel like you just went back to work and went to Okinawa and and head to the grindstone moving forward?
SPEAKER_03:Uh it took me about latter half of 15 years to get over it.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not laughing at you, but I'm like, oh yeah, you know, you could have said 15 months and I and but no, 15 years. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, because again, you know, a lot of that I think the only thing that's kept me ahead or above float is I was I grew up, both my parents were fucking heroin at X fan. Like, you know, I I raised myself at 13 and uh was out of the house, and then I came back and got my mother into uh disability. Uh, you know, unfortunately they're they're both deceased now, but fortunately they're not having to suffer with what they had to suffer with. Uh and then what really helped me is being in the medical field and and understanding how PTSD or PTS works. Yeah, you know, it never really goes away, right? So that I say PTS because disorder would imply that it's curable. Uh it's not curable, it's manageable. Uh uh and and getting to have a better understanding of that and comprehending, you know, how that works. It is has rewired my thought processes in my brain. Uh but they've been able to suppress them healthily uh without being medicated. And the fact that I'm not medicated, it is is still a wonder, right? Uh I'm not a PT stud or anything like that, but I I do find a lot of uh relief and like meditation and stuff like that. Um but yeah, it took me a good 15 years to kind of get out of that zone. Uh and then what happened the worst was during COVID, I ran into some uh difficulties with that because uh people's inability to see or treat people humanely for someone that has had to take a life or two. You know, uh uh I'm real big on uh being humane and being humble. Uh and when was working with uh a group or triad or uh chain of command that didn't understand that uh these are still people and you should treat them as such. That I ran into some difficulties on USS last ship, and uh I should have probably gone to the brig. I'm I may or may not have tried to assault my medical officer and uh told my master chief he was a big fat piece of shit and my skipper that he was a spineless pussy, but you know uh they always hit me with that, like, oh this guy's a war hero and blah blah. Like, dude, no, I'm not, right? That a lot of a lot of uh precedence has been put on that. I I don't see that at all, right? I I just see myself as a uh ordinary human being that's survived extraordinary uh situations. Uh I think if I was just the basic sailor, I would have probably gotten a lot more trouble. But uh even for Sergeant Mack, there were some times where I'd went out in Okinawa and and find myself in a little uh uh tough situations, but having him pull me in and realign me and uh tell me I'm not that person and I should do better, uh that it helped me. Uh but yeah, it still took me a good about 15 years to kind of get out of that that weird funk of like I felt that somebody owed me something or I still owe uh these other people these things when I I just owe it to myself and uh that I was my own worst enemy, if anyone else. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's that's a good point. Yeah. A lot of people suffer a lot of things because of their own hand more than anybody else. You can hurt you more than anybody else can hurt you. And you and I could probably have a whole podcast just specifically on talking about post-traumatic stress, but you hit on something that's very important, and that's evidence-based wise, the best possible treatment for PTS and depression is exercise. Uh, highest efficacy. So, out of all the things, it sounds like you've moved along healthily, although it too sounds like it took you a minute. I wish maybe we should have talked earlier. Shit, I don't know. I don't know if it would have been any better. I was probably in a bad place too, but it's good, man. Is there anything else you want to share, buddy?
SPEAKER_03:No, I just appreciate the fact I feel I was getting left out. I've seen all these podcasts and everybody on there, and Doc Bundy beat me to the punch. I was like, oh, what the fuck? So I feel like I'll take a string.
SPEAKER_01:You know, it's funny you say that. I bet you there's a few people out there that probably feel that same way. And I'll tell you, we don't have any list. Uh literally, it has just been people volunteering so far, and we have not like really contacted anybody or asked anybody specifically. I'm hoping to line up everybody. The goal is to get everybody from Weapons Company at some point, as many people as we can. Uh, you know, we're moving on what 21 years. Some people are not with us anymore because of whatever reason, and so we're not ever gonna get their story, but if we can get everybody else, that'd be great. Well, hey man, again, so man. Thank you for everything you did in 2004, but also thank you for being you now and uh thanks for sharing, dude. Really appreciate it. Right, brother.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, thanks, man. Appreciate you. Thanks, man. If you like what you heard, make sure you subscribe for future episodes on your favorite podcast service.